May Eighth, Two Thousand and 8.

So it’s been a month…obviously I’d have to have some kind of deep and life-changing insight to share with the world-wide-web-world after an entire 30 days have passed…right…?

Well, not exactly. But here’s a picture that I took yesterday–

If anyone actually still reads this blog, then this next part is for you –

• Thanks for still reading a blog that gets updated about as often as you’d hear someone say something positive about gas prices (refer to:never)

• I hope you’re doing well and I just wanted you to know that I believe in you…no matter what those other kids say! (because seriously, those kids don’t even know how to write in cursive, and that was like, third grade or whatever…so who needs them)

• You don’t need them…that’s who.

-klriiiesq

Just an update on life.

Today is gonna be one of those ‘normal people blogs’ where I actually just talk about what’s going on in my life and all that jazz, so I apologize in advance!

 

Life has been awesome lately.

 

I’ve finally moved into my new place of residence, and it’s been really great so far. My new landlord has really turned out to be a real team player (he gives me all his leftovers…I’m basically like the family pet that eats whatever falls on the floor) and I can tell it’s gonna be a much better set-up for me..

 

I love the people in my life. I love the close friends, I love the family, I love the strangers I meet, and I love the strangers I get to know. People are what make the world more than just trees and woodland creatures. People are what make me tick.

 

Ever since I got sick a few months back, I realized how utterly dependant I really am on others. I find now that if I’m alone for more than a few hours I start to get pretty down on life…it’s just the way I’ve been wired I suppose (either that or I lived in a dorm for one day too many).

 

Regardless, I’ve started to become extremely grateful for those in my life, because when it comes right down to it — they are my life.

 

Let’s see…In other news, my car is starting to become needier than an infant lately.

Here’s the list of demands my car presented to me recently–

1.    Get me new tires or I’ll just keep draining these crappy old ones of all air…

2.   I’ve been pretty self-conscious about my rear lately so I decided to turn my back left light off for a while. The only way you’ll get it back on is if you replace it.

3.   I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my fan belt is also pretty worn. You may wanna look into that…that is, if you really care about me.

4.   Clean me! Please, for the sake of all that is holy learn the following three words for me - Vacuum, Armor-All and Soap. You used to be proud of the way I looked. Do you even care about me anymore?

5.   I don’t know why you haven’t figured this one out yet, but I require gasoline in order to run. Try filling my tank up for a change…cheapskate.

Yeah yeah car, just give me some time…we can work this whole thing out after my tax refund comes in…

 

        Well…maybe this wasn’t a ‘normal people blog’, but honestly, what fun would that have been? ;p

 

-Kyle Lawrence Runner III Esq.

p.s. - savor this blog; it may be the last one for a while!

I’m Lactose Intolerant

Maybe this is just a guy thing…but when I’m on the highway taking a long trip and I set a cruise speed of approximately eight miles over, if anyone dares to pass me at my perfect speed they must be some kind of moron.

The longer the trip is, the more idiotic all other drivers become to me.

Then the other day I started wondering – what if everyone on the road is thinking exactly like I am right now? Then I started thinking how sweet it would be to race a car just like mine…then I started thinking about how hungry I was.

Then I stopped at Wendys and got a frosty (vanilla).

 -klriiiesq

I’m gonna have to break out my security blanket after this one….

Wanna have the crap scared out of you but you don’t want to spend the 9 bucks it costs to see a horror movie? Try this free solution -

Go up to five random strangers as you act out your daily routine and ask each of them the following questions:

1. Why do you think Britney is the way she is? (Honestly, you probably don’t ever need to include the last name Spears, but we’ll get to how scary that is later)

2. Who do you think you’ll be voting for? (This will most likely lead to a conversation consisting of how great it is that a black man and a woman are both vying for a nomination, which is no doubt very monumental for this country…but…)

3. Tell me the platform of <answer to question #2>? (This is where things start to get scary! You may encounter someone that does truly know, and if they really do know the differences between the candidates…or anything beyond face value, feel free to heartily shake their hand for being more informed than 98% of the general populus)

4. What else can you tell me about Britney Spears? (Here’s where we begin to enter the wow-I’m-scarred-for-life portion of the Q&A. Most anyone under the age of 35 will most likely give you nothing short of a verbal dissertation to answer this question. I told you this was scary!)

Optional Questions: Number 5 and 6(not for the easily light-hearted…I’m not responsible if you have nightmares)

5. What are the names of Brad and Angelina’s children?

6. What’s the name of the Secretary of Defense? OR How about anyone you can think of that’s been elected in the last 5 years?

I’m no political enthusiast by any means, but honestly, where are we focused people?

The election has become nothing more than a glorified “Miss America Pageant” which competes for airtime only with the latest scoop on celebrity shenanigans and “Reality Television”. (but I’ll save my feeling on reality television for another day!)

Geez.

p.s.

In other news, I recently heard a very persuasive stance on illegal immigration…included below ;p

-klriiiesq

Letters To Old Friends

Some letters to old friends of mine…

 

Dear Free Time,

I hope you’re doing well, I know it’s been a while since we’ve had a chance to get together. I wanted to start off by thanking you for not minding when I’d take all those naps and totally skip out on you, but seriously, you had a bigger influence on me than you’d think!

Although I know we definitely had some great times watching television together and goofing off, I’ve now realized that you got me in more trouble than anything else. I know that hindsight is 20/20 and I think that looking back I can now see that we probably just had a little bit too much of each other.

But hey, that doesn’t mean we can’t still hang out! Let’s plan a day to chillax together! (maybe a Saturday??)

 

Dear Extra Money,

GOSH! It’s been so long! I hope you’re doing well, I really miss you man….

It’s been at least two, three years? Anyway, I know you’re probably super busy with your friends Don Trump and Billy Gates (especially Bill since he’s technically retired now!), so I’ll make this short.

I just wanted to thank you for the good times we had. I know we never really got to be together as much as we wished we could, but hey that’s life!

And although we never really had any really ‘deep’ moments or really got quality one-on-one time together, you always knew where to find classiest restaurants in town, and I truly appreciate that!

 

p.s. I know I only met your friend Ben that one time, but tell him I listened to the song that Puff Daddy wrote about him, and he was totally right – It’s off the chain!

 

Dear Funny Jokes I Used to Tell,

I’ll never understand why you ditched me in the first place. You’re a jerk.

I hope that you come crawling back to me one day, and then maybe, just MAYBE I’ll be glad to see you.

 

Dear Sinful Ways,

I saved you for last because you’re the one old friend of mine that I really wouldn’t ever want to see face to face again….so a letter seemed most practical.

You were always one of those mutual friends of mine that I never really liked, yet somehow, over time, you crept into my life. I don’t know how you did it…but that doesn’t really matter at this point, because you won’t ever do it again.

For all the false promises you ever made me and for all the rewards you promised me, you did nothing but spit in my face time and time again. Like an idiot, I would always end up coming back to you; I guess I just didn’t know any better.

Well, I know better now. I’ve made some new friends…all through another mutual friend of mine. You may have heard of him before, his name is Jesus.

I met him a long time ago when I was a kid, but through all the chaos of my life and due to all the time I spent with you, I lost touch with him over the years.

It turns out he’s been trying to get up with me ever since we lost touch; I just wasn’t paying enough attention…

Anyway, ever since we started hanging out again, things have been completely the opposite of how they were with you and me. He actually does do everything that he promises, and he actually does always have my back. He’s never once lied to me and I know that I can trust him with anything, especially my life.

I hope that after reading this letter you can understand why I never want to hear, see, or even think about you ever again. Don’t take this letter as my way of trying to get back up with you…

It’s over.

 

Sincerely,

 

Kyle Lawrence Runner III esq

The Matthew Ray Response

Dear Matthew,

I accept your amendment though I’m saddened that an amendment was even necessary to begin with. I understand that this may have been a one time slip-up, however, further miscalculations of judgment shall not be tolerated.

Sincerely,

Yours Truly,

Forever and Ever,

-KlRun

:p

(It’s kind of a blog tradition of mine to include a photo, so don’t think that the below photo has anything to do with the above text…because it doesn’t)

december!

Well….I love December.

-klriiiesq

shingles should stay on the tops of buildings where they belong…

I’m so sick of being sick that it’s making me sick! The main reason I hate it is because I can’t work, see friends, go to church or even go to the gym because of my whole ’situation’. Yet I’m staying positive as much as I know how to, because in the end I know this is all a test of faith. I must admit I was failing this test as of earlier today, but I’m staying positive and being thankful for all the great people I have in my life. I’ve enclosed a funny web comic strip I ran across today that made me laugh, enjoy!

..yeah, scorpions are total jerks.

-klriiiesq

plain and simple

Isolation is funny thing. People always say that they enjoy having a little bit of peace and quiet, but how much is that ‘little bit’?

I’ve found that my ‘little bit’ ended about 8 hours ago…eh

Monday = Many Do (and yet, many do not)

I figured if I’m to be considered an apt blogger, I absolutely must leave some form of ‘bloggish’ type things every single day of my first week…right?

However, today sucked. Thus if I left anything from my personal thoughts it’d make me nothing more than a ‘Debbie Downer’. Nobody likes a Debby Downer….especially Debby Uppers, who always get lumped in with those other darned Debbies/Debbys.

Thus, to fill the blog-shaped void on my page, I have created an alternative in the form of amusing anagrams and one cool random photo that I took some time ago…

enjoy,  gentle reader.

Anagrams That RULE:

Debit card = Bad Credit

Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one

Christmas tree = Search, Set, Trim

Slot Machines = Cash Lost in’em

William Jefferson Clinton = Jail Mrs Clinton: Felon wife

And my personal favorite:

Do an angry hit = Tonya Harding

annnnd the runner photo of the day:

Next up: Tuesday!

-klriiiesq